Consummate dilettantism!

Friday, October 31, 2008

What Am I?

I am black on the outside, clad in a wrinkled cover,
Yet within I bear a burning marrow.
I season delicacies, the banquets of kings, and the luxuries of the table,
Both the sauces and the tenderized meats of the kitchen.
But you will find in me no quality of any worth,
Unless your bowels have been rattled by my gleaming marrow.



















I'm pepper!

Why Is a Ship "She"?

Because the rigging costs more than the hull!

Seriously, though, nobody really seems to know. Someone on Yahoo! Answers suggests:
Well, Great Britain in Medieval times was known as the Mistress of the seas. Shipping was very important. Especially during the reign of Queen Elisabeth I. So ships were taken as living beings and in Queen's honor as female.
But the Navy says otherwise:
It has always been customary to personify certain inanimate objects and attribute to them characteristics peculiar to living creatures. Thus, things without life are often spoken of as having a sex. Some objects are regarded as masculine. The sun, winter, and death are often personified in this way. Others are regarded as feminine, especially those things that are dear to us. The earth as mother Earth is regarded as the common maternal parent of all life. In languages that use gender for common nouns, boats, ships, and other vehicles almost invariably use a feminine form. Likewise, early seafarers spoke of their ships in the feminine gender for the close dependence they had on their ships for life and sustenance.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Disable the Incredibly Annoying "Do You Want to Run This File?" Prompt

Here's how:
Run gpedit.msc

Go to User Configuration >> Administrative Templates >> Windows Components >> Attachment Manager

Add "*.exe" to the "Inclusion list for moderate risk file types" setting.
Bless this anonymous internet user's heart.

UPDATE: Unfortunately, the consumer versions of Windows Vista do not have gpedit.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Article's Up!

"In defense of the U.S. News rankings" runs in today's Maroon. See it here.

It's. Called. Google.

It's really funny how people ask me for things that could be had after literally 5 seconds on Google. This happens all the time. It's as though they don't know it exists. Seriously, people. Google is your friend.

People are really extraordinarily lazy. But in this case, their asking me probably takes longer than looking for it themselves. Not everyone's really that good with Google, anyway; I guess a master like me just attracts needy disciples.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Hong Kong Spam?

I have never received something like this from Asia (nor any continent except Africa, for that matter):
Complement of the day,

Please be patient and read my email to you, thank you for giving me your time.

I am a staff of Standard Chartered Bank attached in Private Banking services. I am contacting you concerning a customer and, an investment placed under our banks management 4 years ago, I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication and I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you.


In 2004, the subject matter; ref:SSCB/SCB/bank/77 came to our bank to engage in business discussion with our Private Banking Service Department. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of 23 million United States Dollars, which he wished to have us turn over on his behalf. I was the officer assigned to his case; I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto chief operations officer of the Private Banking Service Department, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank. We meet on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed. I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings.

The favored route in my advice to customers is to start by assessing data on 600 traditional stocks and bond managers and alternative investments. Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first month of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over 10 million United States Dollars, this margin was not the full potential of the fund but he desired low risk guaranteed returns on investments. In mid 2005, he asked that the money be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments in Europe.

He directed that I liquidate the funds and had it deposited with a firm in Europe. I informed him that our bank would have to make special arrangements to have this done and in order not to circumvent due process, the bank would have to make a 9.5 % deduction from the funds to cater for banking and statutory charges. He complained about the charges but later came around when I explained to him the complexities of the task he was asking of us. Cash movement across borders has become especially strict since the incidents of 9/11.


I contacted my affiliate in Europe and had the funds available in main land Europe. I undertook all the processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the letter and had the funds deposited in a security consultancy firm, the firm is a specialist private firm that accepts deposits from high net worth individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need immediate access to cash.

This small and highly private organization is familiar especially to the highly placed and well-connected organizations. In line with instructions, the money was deposited. He told me he wanted the money there in anticipation of his arrival from Norway later that week. This was the last communication we had, this transpired around 25th February 2006. In June last year, we got a call from the security firm informing us of the inactivity of that particular portfolio.

This was an astounding position as far as I was concerned, given the fact that I managed the private banking sector I was the only one who knew about the deposit, and I could not understand why he had not come forward to claim his deposit. I made futile efforts to locate him I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department of our bank. Four days later, information started to trickle in and I we were inform by the USA homeland security, that he is dead. A person who suited his description was declared dead of a heart attack in Cannes, South of France.


The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also to come forward to claim his estate. If you are familiar with private banking affairs, those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin. In the field of private banking, opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous. This bank also gives the choice to depositors of having their mail sent to them or held at the bank itself, ensuring that there are no traces of the account and as I said, rarely do they nominate next of kin. Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave wills in our care, in this case; he died in testate.


What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who occupy certain offices and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I propose. There is US$ 23,000,000.00 deposited, I alone have the deposit details and they will release the deposit to no one unless I instruct them to do so.

I alone know of the existence of this deposit for as far as the finance firm, the transaction with our deceased customer concluded when I sent the funds to the firm, all outstanding interactions in relation to the file are just customer services and due process. The finance firm has no single idea of what's the history or nature of the deposit. They are simply awaiting instructions to release the deposit to any party that comes forward. This is the situation. This bank has spent great amounts of money trying to track this man's family; they have investigated for months and have found no family. The investigation has come to an end.


My proposal;


I am prepared to place you in a position to instruct the finance firm to release the deposit to you as the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you in half and no more. That is: I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. We share the proceeds 50/50. I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line to me and my involvement in claiming the deposit.

But on the other hand, you as a foreigner and also with all the necessary legal and official documentations from me and the presiding attorney and also with the authority vested upon me by the original depositor, you would easily pass as the beneficiary with the rights to claim. I assure you that I could have the deposit released to you in a few days. I will simply inform our bank of the final closing of the file relating to the customer. I will then officially communicate with the finance company and instruct them to release the deposit to you.


With these two things: all is done. The alternative would be for us to have the firm direct the funds to another bank with you as account holder. This way there will be no need for you to think of receiving the money from the firm. We can fine-tune this based on our interactions. I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. I ask that you do not be vindictive or destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. You may not know this but people like me who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole private banking sector.

I am not a criminal and what I do; I do not find against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by I hope you understand because for once I found myself in total control and face to face with my destiny. These chances won't pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me.

I am a married woman with 2 kids and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Let's share the blessing.


If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through this email account allmyyongwanhk1@yahoo.com.hk or yonghongwan@puthongkongin.com If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a conclusion Please observe this instruction religiously. Please note again, I am a happily married with two kids. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences might be, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should plan a meeting, soon.


I await your response.


Sincerely,

Wan Yonghong
It is really remarkably creative. Kudos!