Blame The Ninjas

Atomic Nerds:

So your loved one just accidentally died in an autoerotic asphyxiation mishap. It’s gotten out to the press and public, and that’s just adding stress to the already bad situation. What on earth could you do to help resolve this terrible situation?

Blame ninjas.

Just days after David Carradine was found dead with a cord around his neck and nuts, the family lawyer, Mark Geragos, made a statement on CNN’s Larry King Live:

David was very interested in investigating and disclosing secret societies. … What that means is connected to martial arts and his interest in martial arts,” he continued. “And so there is a suspicion that if there was some foul play, that that may be the first area where they should look.

The amount of sheer brass-balled brass-ballery it takes to say with a straight face on Larry King Live that ninjas killed him and made it look like he died jerking off is utterly breathtaking. I mean, I’ve pulled what I consider to be one or two fairly brazen examples of “Oh god, I hope this works”, but never have I gone on national news and blamed a secret society for the consequences of a risky fetish behavior.

Frankly, I stand in awe.