Look, don't hate me, but I want generic American Chinese food. Help me!

Shannon V. says:

Yeah yeah yeah authentic is good OBVIOUSLY but lately I have been craving middle-america food court, americanized, generic chinese food. i can't help it! it's the nostalgia factor! I'm talking like one-note but tasty thick chow mein, crispy mandarin chicken, etc. I live in the nob, so i have had plenty of chinese food in chinatown, but now i want old school. well, my old school. help!!

Tsada K. follows up with:

What I miss is New York Jewish Chinese food.

This means:

Lo Mein
Fat Muthafuckin Eggrolls (filled with sawdust and floor sweepings)
Chow Mein (the kind that is just snot, bean sprouts, celery, and shrimp, with the fried bucket of crackery noodles on the side)

And then:

I'm pretty sure you can't even get that in New York anymore.
Maybe in Great Neck.

Yes, Tsada K., in fact, you can get exactly this kind of food in Great Neck. Yum. Talk about old school, though. Straight out of the 1970s.

Plus, it'll probably be kosher.