Consummate dilettantism!

Monday, October 12, 2009

How To Get Any Girl You Want

I can't keep the ladies off of me. Extraordinarily, jaw-droppingly beautiful Chinese girl, five minutes after meeting me, goes "do you have a girlfriend?" I say no, she says "let's go to karaoke. But first, we have to get drunk." What do I do in this situation? And why am I in it in the first place?

It's all in the voice. I'm incredibly good-looking, of course, but the main thing is the voice. This explains it all:
Even most girls don’t consciously realize the POWER of the male voice. They don’t say “wow, this guy has such a hot voice”, instead they say, “wow, THERE’S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HIM that TURNS ME ON”. In fact they’ll even rationalize it with other things, just because they have to have some reason to explain how HORNY they are whenever this guy speaks, and, like I said, most people are unconscious to the power of the voice.

I’ve known guys. Who look pretty average or even below average. But when they open their mouths… BANG. One, two, three… K.O.! There’s a famous saying, “the word is more powerful than the sword”, well this is where that saying came from.

Oh, guys have some idea about the power of the word, alright. But they focus on the wrong aspect. Guys worry about saying THE RIGHT THING… there is no such thing. That’s ridiculous if you think about it for just a moment: the idea that if he just says THE RIGHT THING, a guy can seduce a girl? Like she’s a robot or something? Yeah whatever. No, there is no “right thing” and no “wrong thing”. The semantics are utterly irrelevant when boy meets girl, it’s how the words are said. It’s the VOICE. The TONALITY. The VOLUME. The AUTHORITY. As far as the words themselves are concerned, a guy with a SEXY VOICE could introduce himself by saying, “Hi I’m a paint scraper, I scrape paint for a living and live with my grandma!” WORDS DON”T MATTER!

Don’t believe me? Watch the typical guy when he first meets his girlfriend’s family. It’s almost comical. He’ll be so nervous about saying THE RIGHT THINGS that he’ll end up sounding like a malfunctioning robot. Now swap him with a guy with GREAT TONALITY and VOCAL DOMINANCE who just SPEAKS HIS MIND. Suddenly the girl and her mom are battling it out on Jerry Springer fighting over this guy!

It even transcends language. A guy with a killer voice can go to a totally alien culture. Where he and the girls can’t speak a single word in common. He can even be totally ignorant of that culture’s norms and protocols. But he just starts talking and the GIRLS ARE ALL OVER HIM. He could be reciting the phonebook for all it matters. Hell, his foreign accent will be a BIG PLUS.

There are a lot of other factors that play a role when it comes to a guy being ATTRACTIVE. Things like body language, good posture, confidence, willingness to TAKE what he DESERVES.
But guess what. These things are all directly correlated to the man’s VOICE. When the man learns how to speak better, EVERYTHING else about him NATURALLY BECOMES GOLD. It has been said that public speaking is the most common fear. So of course a man who can publically speak is the MOST CONFIDENT MAN IN THE WORLD.
The author is completely right. In fact, I have never read anything more correct in my life. It explains my tremendous success with women (when I apply myself, that is).

For this is not an isolated incident. I pick up the chicks like there's no tomorrow here. My physical attractiveness and whiteness draw them in, my astonishingly good Chinese gets them horny, and my insane sense of humor seals the deal. Oh, and dropping the "I'm Jewish" line doesn't seem to hurt either. (Chinese girls upon realizing you're Jewish: have a look.)

I have come to the conclusion that I am simply a tremendously attractive human being. And it's not out of some ulterior motive, either; I have the same luck with Japanese/Thai girls.

Oh, and in case you haven't realized by now (from the tone, the sidebar on the right, the tags), this post is extremely tongue-in-cheek. Still, I think there's something you all can learn from it -- I wasn't kidding about that voice stuff.

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